It was late when Shuichi finished writing his song and Yuki turned his laptop off. Both were tired after that hard day. Shuichi went asleep over the table where he was composing and Yuki was going to the kitchen, to put his tea mug in the washing machine. He saw Shuichi there, sleeping with a smiling and sweet face. His icy blue eyes didn't show anything about that, the smoke over his cigarette was filling that room. Shuichi woke up because of the smell, that known smell.
_Yuki? - he whispered before he opened his eyes. Yuki didn't say a word, just let him sleeping there and went to his bedroom. Shuichi continued his uncomfortable sleep for some minutes, almost half an hour, so he felt his face and backs hurting.
He raised from the chair, reading his song again. He thought it was cool, so he put it on an envelop and threw it under the locked door of Yuki's bedroom. Shuichi saw it was locked, that's why he even didn't try to open to see his lover sleeping. He just went to the room and covered himself, laying on the sofa. It was cruel, but he knew tomorrow would be another day, maybe Yuki could be more sweet to him than that day. They didn't even talk to each other.
The mourning came with the smell of coffee that Yuki had done for himself. He was reading the newspaper in the kitchen.
_Yukiii! - Shuichi whispered again before being awake, but when he felt the light invading his eyes, his energy went up as he raised from the sofa. He ran to the kitchen to hug Yuki by his backs, trying to read what he was reading too - Good morning, Yuki! - he said giving him a kiss on the cheek.
_Oh, so you had awakened. - he said in an ironic manner while he put the ashes of the cigarette in a pot.
_Yes, and I'm hungry! - Shuichi was up to eat one of the toasts on the table when Yuki hanged his fist with an angry face.
_You cook your food. This is mine.
_But, Yuki... - Shuichi said sadly, his eyes were as shocked as he was. Why was he so cruel to him since yesterday? Maybe if he had thought more about his acts, he could know the answer for that - Sorry... - he said in a low voice, getting away from Yuki. His head was down as he was. Shuichi ran until his clothes and weared them as fast as he could. He opened the door violently and started to run on the streets, trying to escape from Yuki's eyes. They were blaming him on his mind.
"Why does Yuki act like this to me?" he was wondering while he was waiting the traffic light to be green. He was upset and maybe a little pissed off. There was no reason for that. He wanted to talk to Hiro, maybe he could help him. Shuichi went to his house and fortunately he was there yet.
_What's up, Shuichi? - Hiro asked him.
_I don't know, Hiro... Yuki is acting strangely with me. - he said with the eyes full of tears.
_And when does him make something good for you? - Hiro whispered for himself, trying to get control.
_Don't say that, Hiro... Yuki loves me! Why does he do those things for me?? - he couldn't believe or understand, Shuichi was up to break everything in front of him. It was getting closer to him to do that when Hiro hanged his shoulders and stared him at his eyes.
_Stop this. Think about what happened to both of you those days.
_I don't know, Hiro. We almost didn't see each other because of our jobs, we're always in the studio and he's always busy with his writings.
_Have you ever been curious about what has been written by Yuki, Shuichi? - seriously said Hiro.
_Hm... - Shuichi get quite afraid of that ask, because actually he never read anything written by Yuki - I could be curious, but I read nothing by him.
_So maybe that's the key. Maybe he doesn't loves you the way you want, or need, because you don't even understand him. You don't even know what Yuki feels.
_But that's impossible to know! He's so cold, those eyes are always so emotionless... Even he's like that, I love him.
_Or maybe that's why you love him. Because he doesn't show or really feels love by you. You have lots of fans, lots of girls who would like to be with you, you have friends that love and protect you, but you don't really have a lover. It seems you are forcing Yuki to love you without any convincing reason. You must make him fall in love with you. You're not the kind of person a romanticist would love. You don't know feelings. You're a child.
Shuichi looked to Hiro and couldn't believe his face was so serious like that. He was leaned on the wall with one of his feet too, his arms were crossed and his eyes were closing, so emotionless as Yuki.
_You're so alike... - he said - But I thought you were more comprehensive and less aggressive.
_So am I, Shuichi-kun... But I think I needed to say these things to you this way because you wouldn't get it.
_You're saying I'm not able to think or to find a solution?
_That's not the point, I just think you're childish and Yuki doesn't seem to like this. - Hiro smiled lightly, but when his eyes were opened again, the sound of the door getting closed rapidly announced Shuichi had left his house.
Again, Shuichi was running on the streets. He didn't know what to do. He thought about buying a book written by Yuki, but he thought he would never get his true feelings on a commercial book. So where would he find this? Yuki would never show him his true feelings. "Where would I hide my secrets? Think, Shuichi, think". So he was remembering his childhood, when he used to try to get more and more friends, but the boys didn't like him so much, they were always laughing at him. He felt himself so forgotten, so afraid of those people who were supposed to be friends that he found himself alone, with no one to tell his secrets but to a notebook, a small notebook where he used to write every night what had happened to him on his days.
_Diary! Yuki must have a diary! - he said that in a loud voice, smiling to himself when he found him in the middle of a town square - Oops. - he was ashamed because people looked at him he was almost shouting.
Even he was hungry when he left Yuki's home, his hunger disappeared after that idea. He ran again to Yuki's home, imagining he could be out of there. Unfortunately he wasn't, he could see his car on the garage. So he would need to wait for him. That would be hard, because on the boring next hours he would need to eat again. His stomach was aching and asking him food, but there was no money with him and there was no snack bar next to Yuki's house. He needed water too.
Yuki was inside the office, writing and smoking as always. He was a little bit tired, but he didn't stop the first time he felt his eyes heavy. The cell-phone rang.
_Hello? - he answered the cell-phone, it was Mika asking him to meet her. He accepted, even he didn't want to see his sister. He took the car keys and went to the garage. Outdoors, Shuichi listened him inside the garage, so he found a way to get hidden in the middle of the shrubs. Yuki was out of his home, that was the perfect time to get in.
_Nice... Now I can search for Yuki's diary! - Shuichi walked in the point of his feet and opened the door carefully. He didn't know why he was faking some ninja moves because there was anyone there inside. He laughed at himself for being so stupid. - Ok, no reason to do that. - so he went to Yuki's bedroom, imagining there would be a book inside the furniture.
Shuichi searched in the bedroom for almost ten minutes, when he was convinced that there was anything there. He went to the living room, but there was anything looking like a diary or some confident notes. He even searched for something like that in the kitchen, but obviously there was nothing like that. Finally, half an hour after his secret entrance on Yuki's home, he thought about searching in his office. Actually, he rarely entered that room, it was always locked and Yuki was always there, writing, smoking and drinking coffee sometimes, behind his laptop. LAPTOP! That was the word!
He ran until the office and tried to open the door, but as he thought, it was locked and the keys wouldn't be there, in the home. Shuichi needed some tools to open that door. He tried a hair cramp, but that thing seemed just to run in the movies. He tried to put a crack key inside the lock, but he almost broke that. He was getting more and more pissed off, when he finally got violent and threw himself on the door. He did that three or four times, when he felt his arm aching.
_Awww, Yukiii! Why you have to be so difficult?? - and he tried another time, when he could open the door, finally - LA LI HOOOOOO!!!!! - he entered the room the faster he could and sit on the chair, seeing the laptop has been left on. He tried to access Yuki's account, but there was a password - Oh, dear... I almost killed myself trying to open this door and there is a paaaaaassssword!!!! - he felt like he was a loser because even he could break the door, he couldn't figure out which could be the password. He tried some random words as 'romance', 'love', 'couple' and the name of his books, but there was so obvious that Yuki would never think about - What's on Yuki's mind.
Shuichi felt weak, he didn't eat anything since he was awaken. He needed to eat something, but he felt afraid to eat some of Yuki's food without permission and he needed to discover the password. It took one more hour and he didn't discovered. The computer was there, flickering on his blurry eyes, when he felt his body weaker and weaker. "I cannot put up with this anymore"
Yuki arrived home. When he closed the entrance door, he listened some hard sound coming from his office. He ran until there and he saw Shuichi fallen on the floor, with the chair also fallen. He was surprised, Shuichi was pale, his lips were dry and his arm was with some purple marks, like he was punched.
_Shuichi? Shuichi? - he shook Shuichi's light body, trying to awake him.
_Hm...? Yuki? - he opened his eyes quite hardly, but he could see Yuki after that, a little bit blurred - Yuki!! - he gave him a tight hug and started crying - I'm sorry, I was trying to enter your computer, but I didn't know the password! I'm sorry I broke your door lock, I'm so sorry! Please, forgive me! - he was almost shouting that - Yuki, please!! - Yuki couldn't say anything, he was just receiving Shuichi's hug without any words on his mind. His cigarette fell on the floor, it got off when suddenly Shuichi felt his head up with the power of Yuki's hand on his neck. Both lips were together, Yuki had kissed Shuichi while the tears were falling on his face. - Would you forgive me, Yuki?
_Why were you trying to access my computer? - when he finished the kiss, he answered as cold as he always were used to talk to Shuichi, but that time he was holding his shoulders.
_I was trying to know more about you... What do you think... about me... about us... - Shuichi said, with his head down, in a low voice - I'm sorry, but I thought you would never tell me those things. You never talk to me, you're just too cruel with me, Yuki!
_Yuki stood quiet. He knew Shuichi was right, but... He always shown Shuichi he didn't like to talk too much, that his past made him that way.
_You're so impulsive. - he said taking his eyes off Shuichi.
_I know, I'm sorry, but you could be more gentle to me.
_What you want me to do? - he stared Shuichi, as he was accepting some kind of challenge.
_I want to know you... - Shuichi said, he was getting shy.
_And you need to access my computer for that?
_I thought so because you're so quiet and self confident that I thought your thoughts would be written on a diary, so I tried to search for one, but I couldn't... So I find out something could be written in your computer, but I couldn't imagined what would be your password.
_If you knew it, you would know myself. - he said, making some minutes of silence after those words.
_Can I just... Try a little bit more? - when he finished the question, he saw on Yuki's hands some boxes of cookies and Japanese candies - You... bought this... for me? - he couldn't even think more about that, his honest smile appeared on his face and he jumped over Yuki, hugging him tightly - Thank you, Yuki!
While he was eating that candy stuff, both of them were sit on the floor. Yuki was smoking and looking to the roof, thinking. Shuichi was also thinking about everything. He could never make up if Yuki's hungry or something like that, he couldn't even find out he would by those wonderful candies for him. He really needed to discover more about his personality, but he couldn't understand how could Yuki know so much about him.
_You're so honest, Shuichi. - said Yuki, suddenly.
_Huh? - he looked to Yuki, trying to find out what he was up to say.
_You're honest and impulsive, that's why you do so many wrong things.
_Don't say that, I'm doing this all for you!
_But you couldn't complete that.
_But I tried to! You don't even give clues to me.
_Hm... That's true, but I thought you were smarter.
_YUKI!!!! - he yelled, getting angry.
_I'll gave you a clue about my password. It has six letters.
_Six? - Shuichi tried to make up some words with six letters on his mind. There was 'shiver', 'awaken', 'cookie', 'rabbit', 'gorilla'... No those words were impossible to be his password - C'Mon, Yuki, I cannot find out this! It's impossible.
_So we'll play a game. You try to find out the letters and each wrong letter, one piece of your cloth is taken off.
_YUKI!!!! - Shuichi got blushed. How perverted was Yuki.
_Wouldn't you like to access my computer and know my secrets?
_Ok, I accept your challenge. - he said, seriously, but he was certain he wouldn't find out the word before his clothes were off.
_So Yuki took a paper and draw six horizontal lines. Shuichi looked to that paper and to Yuki. He tried the first letter of the alphabet.
_A! - Yuki put the letter A on the second line and Shuichi got amused. - E? - and Yuki took Shuichi's jacket off - Oh, God... I? - Yuki put an I on the fourth line - F?
Yuki put the paper on the floor while he was staring Shuichi's frightened eyes. He put his face next to Shuichi's neck and one of his hands inside his t-shirt. That hand was raising more and more, until he found Shuichi's chest and the T-shirt was in the middle of his body. Yuki took that off.
_Hm-huh... Yuki... So... Letter... D? - Shuichi closed his eyes after that, but nothing happened to him, just the paper got a D on the third line. He smiled and tried another time - Hm.. T? - Yuki shook his head, saying he was wrong and started to open Shuichi's pants. He took that almost last picture very slowly while his lips were touching lightly Shuichi's - Oh, Yuki... You're making me shy.
_That's a game, this is your consequence. Say one more letter.
_Ok... I say... So... Letter S? - Shuichi was with his arms in front of his body while Yuki was getting the paper again. Fortunately, for Shuichi, Yuki wrote S in the first and the fifth lines.
Say me the last letter, Shuichi. - Yuki pushed Shuichi's chest until he got lied on the floor - Say that, say, Shuichi. - he was whispering on his ear while his nails were walking from Shuichi's chest until his knees.
_M!! - he yelled, nervous.
_What? Did I listen 'N'? - said Yuki, laughing - You said 'N', Shuichi?
_No, I said... - than his mouth was covered with one of Yuki's hand.
_M is the right letter to complete my six-letter word, sadism. You lost, Shuichi. - so he took off his last piece of cloth and kissed him again, hiding both of his bodies in the darkness of the office.